When someone dies - its not like in the movies…

When someone dies, the clock doesn’t start ticking the way people often think it does.

There doesn’t have to be a rush, and you don’t need to call for removal straight away.

You can sit with your person for those first sacred hours.

There is still a connection - there are obvious signs that your person is no longer in their body - but you can still feel them - not physically - but they are still there - still near, still with you.

This sacred moment does not need to be dramatic or complicated - sad yes, feelings of relief? that’s ok too.

Not rushed, no urgency, no to do list needs to be ticked off in those first moments.

This moment can be the most human of moments.

Often its in this moment you can exhale - that big long sigh - a release of emotions, emotions that we will often struggle with words to describe

but a sense of letting go as your loved one also let’s go.

This moment can be so vital in helping you with your grief - helping a future version of yourself, or your children’s selves to heal, to remember, to cherish.

Here in Australia families can choose to keep their person at home for a time before cremation or burial. A home vigil or home based farewell can last a few hours or a few days depending on circumstances and cooling options.

If a loved one has died in an aged care facility or hospital room - there is still time to just be present.

No matter the place there is still time for simple ceremony, time to wash and dress your person,

time to tell stories,

to pray,

time for kids to ask honest questions,

time for the family dog to curl up at their feet.

Signs of life - even in the raw face of death.

This is where an End of Life Guide or Death Doula can step in - especially if families are not sure of what is allowed, or when they want something more personal than a “standard” process.

In practice and End of life Guide can help families-

• Understand what’s legally allowed in their State or Territory

• Slow everything down so decisions aren’t made in shock or in the overwhelming moments that accompany the death of someone you loved

• Guide the family through safe, gentle body-care practices

• Help guide families to create rituals that feel meaningful rather than procedural

• Advocate for family involvement when it matters most

Many people dont realise they’re allowed to sit with their person

To touch them.

to comb their hair.

To let the kids be present, ask questions, hug them

To let the pets come in and understand - (animals grieve too)

To say the things they didn’t get to say - and the privacy to do so.

To let love and loved ones unfold and grieve and sometimes even laugh with death in the room.

Death doesn’t and shouldn’t be cold, clinical and void all the things you hold dear.

Your death or the death of your loved ones should be hands, on- heart led and overflowing with the colour and values you lived by.

If this is something you want for yourself - or your loved ones, talk about it now.

Planning ahead is what protects your wishes later.

And if you ever need guidance in those first or last moments - that’s exactly what I’m here for.