Rethinking Death Care.
Finding Space for Individuality in a world full of rules.
Death is something we all face, yet in just two generations much of the common knowledge about how to care for our loved ones at the end of life has slipped away. What was once a shared, almost instinctive practice—sitting quietly with the dying, creating rituals of farewell, and holding space for grief—has been replaced by sterile hospital rooms, visiting timeframes, and the hum of medical machinery
Yes, there are laws and regulations that must be followed. These exist to ensure safety, and accountability. But within those legal boundaries, there is still room for individuality, for ritual, and for reclaiming practices that honour both the person and the community they lived in.
“I want to die how I have lived - a full participant in all it has to offer” - Karen Speerstra- The Divine Art of Dying (Augsburg Fortress, 2014).
Rediscovering What We’ve Lost
Rituals and practices: Lighting candles, singing, storytelling, or simply sitting in silence with your loved one.
Time to be still: Allowing yourself to pause, to sit without the interruptions of hospital schedules or visiting restrictions.
Community knowledge: In the past, families and neighbours knew how to care for the dying and the dead. Today, we often outsource this to professionals, forgetting that care can also be deeply personal.
Expanding the Options
Traditionally, burial and cremation have been the most common pathways. But the landscape of death care is evolving:
🌿 Natural burials: Using a shroud instead of a coffin, returning the body directly to the earth.
💧 Aquamation (water cremation): A gentler process that uses water and alkali instead of fire.
🎇 Creative rituals: Ashes can even be placed in fireworks, scattering light across the sky in a final celebration, or in jewellery so that your person is always with you.
These options remind us that death care doesn’t have to be uniform—it can reflect values, beliefs, and the uniqueness of the person being honoured.
A Call to Action
We cannot change the laws, but we can reclaim the space within them. We can choose stillness over noise, ritual over routine, and individuality over uniformity. The first step is conversation: speak to someone with the knowledge to guide you. End-of-life doulas, funeral directors, and community educators can help you navigate both the legal requirements and the personal possibilities.
Death care is not just about compliance—it’s about meaning. It’s about remembering that we have choices, and that those choices can bring comfort, dignity, and even beauty to one of life’s most profound transitions.
